Introduction – Retrospective Raw Feed – Kingdom Hearts BBS Raw Feed Opening and Tutorials
Opening Cutscenes: Terra is red / Aqua is blue / Ven’s probably green / (No one really knew.) Tutorials: The power in my heart comes from a copy of Hero Quest. True story! Prologues: The man of infinite helmets. Ventus’ Tale
Mine Entrance to Cottage: I’m cool with breaking and entering this little cottage, but I could really go for a beast-infested castle, you know? Deep Woods to Flower Glade: Excuse me, ma’am, you dropped this bazooka.
Collection Quest, pt. 1: “Hey Jaq, why are none of the things we’re collecting showing up in the completed dress?” “Magic, Ven-Ven! Everything that doesn’t make sense is magic.” Collection Quest, pt. 2 to Wrap-Up: “I wanna see Cinderelly’s dream come true! And then I build a biiiiiiig death ray. Hold entire world for ransom! Gotta big dreams, big dreams!”
Enchanted Dominion: I’ve never seen anyone so beautiful! Also she and Aqua smell the same! I’ve got a whole lot of other compliments too, you want me to keep going? Badlands: Vanitas developed the afterimage technique to escape Xehanort’s lectures, which was surprisingly effective.
Central Square to Gardens: I wash my hands of these Mandrakes! Get it? Wash? A water joke??? Front Doors to Reactor: “Hey Dilian, what are you meditating about? I’m meditating on ways we could more effectively do our work as guards. I’m thinking… ‘sight.'” Reactor to Central Square: I can’t go through this door, that waterfall would ruin my hairdo.
Mirage Arena: Come one, come all, to the greatest show without a host! *vanishes into nothingness*
Disney Town, Ice Cream Beat: *monotone chanting* Forever let us hold our banner / High. High. High. High. / Come along and sing a song / And join the jamboree.
Olympus Coliseum: “Two words! ‘My honour as SOLDIER!'”
Deep Space: Friendship triangular prism.
Neverland: Protest Two-Word Neverland 2017.
Mysterious Tower to Destiny Islands: Cutscene bonanza!
Keyblade Graveyard: Get it? Because he’s the air character and he’s stopping? …I’ll show myself out. Terra’s Tale
Enchanted Dominion: I’ve got to stop sleeping on the job! Mirage Arena to Castle of Dreams, pt. 1: You wouldn’t be crying if you flossed after every meal. Castle of Dreams, pt. 2: I dunno, if I throw a party with five guests, that’s a pretty rousing success! Dwarf Woodlands: Mirror Mirror, Quite Contrary / Where’s Kingdom Hearts’ Coherent Story? Mysterious Tower to Radiant Garden, pt. 1: No, no! Your description of your evil plan is very interesting! Next tell me how Kefka was justified in poisoning Doma! Radiant Garden, pt. 2: “You still need me! You still need me to get wounded somewhere else, right?” Disney Town, Rumble Racing: “You kept me from winning the track record for most civilians run over in a race. Disney Town Carmageddon, don’tcha know?” Olympus Coliseum: “Oh no, I’m being controlled by, and definitely not working willingly for, actively campaigning for, reinforcing the reputation of, and openly slaughtering the enemies of, the most evil force in the area! This is the opposite of what usually happens!” Deep Space: “You like impressions? I do romantic animated candlestick impression. Or perhaps civilized but hostile wartime doctor? I am multi-talented mad scientist for the modern era.” Neverland: Like any good samurai’s son, Terra probably has excellent calligraphy. Destiny Islands to Land of Departure: So what Xehanort told you was true… from a certain point of view. Keyblade Graveyard: “Kill him, he’s the clone!” “He’s wearing my armour, he’s the clone!” Aqua’s Tale
Castle of Dreams, pt. 1: Just dance! Put on your glass shoes, ignore the monsters, and dance the blues! Castle of Dreams, pt. 2: How would a Castle of Dreams sequel work? Well, you know how the final Harry Potter films basically ignored all the changes made by the earlier Harry Potter films…? Command Board Special: EARN 500GP A DAY PACING IN PLACE Dwarf Woodlands: Arriving late to the party. Okay, incredibly late. Okay, after the party. Enchanted Dominion: Maleficent’s a real asset for home reno. Radiant Garden, pt. 1: Once upon a time, the world was covered in glitter. Radiant Garden, pt. 2: Do you know what would really spiff up this town? A bloodbath. Disney Town, Fruitball: So I just about typed “Fruit Scatter” on the left there. It’s the original name that wouldn’t die! Olympus Coliseum: How about one date? One peach? One grape, and that’s my final offer! Deep Space to Neverland: “Hey, that DVD collection of Greatest TV Filler Episodes is my treasure!” Keyblade Graveyard: Mickey arrives late to the scene, with ice cream.
Late- and Post-Game Sidequests: Being torn to shreds by the hollow shell of your late father: guilt, or bonus boss? Final Episode: Don’t attack Terra accidentally. Don’t attack him deliberately either. Aqua, no! Superbosses and “Blank Points”: You thought the hero was Sora, but it was me, Seifer! Realm of Darkness: Disco puppy.
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