Month: June 2017

FFVII Dirge of Cerberus – Yuffie for WRO President

Chapter 6: Deepground Strikes Back

We start this chapter in Vincent’s flashbacks, specifically back when he spoke to Lucrecia and Hojo about their conceiving a child and experimenting on it. For some reason, Hojo appears enveloped in shadow in all of these flashbacks. It’s a lot of shadow, too! If it was simply meant to make him look menacing, they went way too far. Instead, it’s as though his identity was somehow a secret, but I can’t imagine why as established fans know perfectly well who he is and new players shouldn’t be confused into thinking his identity is a mystery, which could actually cause problems and is my biggest complaint! Frankly, Hojo should be getting an introduction for new players, not be treated as a stranger!


Kingdom Hearts BBS – Abrupt Stop

Just like Terra, Aqua ends her trip to Neverland with an automatic cutscene where she stumbles across the light of Destiny Islands. Naturally, she straightaway finds the paopu tree and examines her Wayfinder, and begins talking about a “storm” that’s coming. Ah-huh. Yeah, uh, Aqua, maybe I should… point something out…


FFVII Dirge of Cerberus – Minesweeper

Lost Episode

One of the most curious parts of DoC’s story occurs right at this point in the narrative. Just a few days after DoC’s North American launch, Square Enix released a bonus chapter of the game’s story to cell phones, specifically on Amp’d Mobile and Verizon in the west, developed by a company called Ideaworks3D. Called “Dirge of Cerberus Lost Episode –Final Fantasy VII–,” the game is basically lost today (like many pre-smartphone cell phone games) and the most complete surviving video is of the Japanese version with English subtitles, and even it has notable missing content.


Kingdom Hearts BBS – Ohana Means You’d Make the Weirdest Brothers

Just a heads up: I’ve fallen dramatically behind on writeups for both Kingdom Hearts and Final Fantasy, and on top of that Kyle and I have yet to clear the next FF game, Final Fantasy Tactics, in this first place. For this and other reasons, the blog will be going on indefinite hiatus after the completion of Birth by Sleep and Dirge of Cerberus, which are the last writeups I have that are complete.

To try to sync up the end dates of BBS and DoC, Dirge of Cerberus will be uploaded at an accelerated pace, with updates on both Thursdays and Sundays. With everything going as scheduled, this means the last KH post will be July 11th, and the last FF post will be July 13th.

Sorry for the bad news, but for now: on with today’s post! Two worlds today!

Aqua arrives at Deep Space and, showing a continued off-screen disregard for locks, is already on-board the ship the moment her visit begins, with no fussy Glider segment leading it off! An alarm begins to sound, and Aqua quickly discovers why: Unversed are on board the ship.

Fight, fight, fight, and after the battle, Aqua spots a strange item lying on the floor. The player probably won’t recognize what they’re seeing at first, so thankfully Aqua clarifies immediately: it appears to be a Wayfinder made of scrap metal and parts. Just as she’s beginning to question it, who should appear but Experiment 626, who jumps in and takes it from her. Or rather, takes it back, as it appears to be of his own creation!


FFVII Dirge of Cerberus – Reeve’s Résumé

Chapter 2: Showdown in the Wastes

Taking a Shadowfox to Edge, Reeve attempts to fill Vincent in on the attackers, whom he identifies as “Deepground soldiers.” Reeve says that over the course of President Shinra’s reign, Mr. Respectable gathered the innumerable Deepground soldiers you encounter during the game without anyone noticing, and then tucked them into the Shinra HQ basement like action figures, right next to trillions of dollars’ worth of vehicles and robots, and mutated them into super-soldiers. This is a highly believable and respectable narrative.

Reeve explains that the Tsviets are Deepground’s elites, and besides their names, that that’s basically all Reeve knows, and even that from rifling through Scarlet’s files. Considering Deepground wasn’t necessarily relevant to the WRO rank-and-file until about an hour ago, he must have handed out a memo pretty damned fast if the sergeant recognized Rosso just seconds ago, in another part of the world! Reeve figures Heidegger, Scarlet and Hojo might have known more about Deepground, but they’re all dead (or so I assume Heidegger and Scarlet are dead, since Reeve makes no attempt to contact them), and he figures that Rufus doesn’t know anything at all, because of the chaos of his rise to power (though come to think of it, Reeve doesn’t make any on-screen attempt to talk to him, either…).


FFVII Dirge of Cerberus – A Palette of Mud

Note: As of the launch of the Final Fantasy VII Remake, the original Compilation of Final Fantasy VII Journals are being “locked down” and will no longer be updated to account for new content that might be relevant to those particular games. For example: if FFVIIR or an interview explains a FFVII plot hole that I mention in this Journal, I won’t be updating the Journal to say so, adjusting my opinion, etc. For similar reasons, comments for these games will be closed, though original comments will be preserved. Enjoy your read!

Dirge of Cerberus – Final Fantasy VII – . Or as Kyle put it at the start of our second session: “Do you want to play Dirge of Cerberus today or do you want to play something fun?”

Dirge of Ceberus has the lowest Metacritic score of all Marathon games to date (besides my filler coverage of All the Bravest), beating out – to my confusion and amazement – actual digitized canker sore Mega Man X7 by a single percentage point. This also makes it the lowest Metacritic score of all single player Final Fantasy games released to date, in the entire franchise, so, uh, geeze, what do I even say?


Kingdom Hearts BBS – Sack of Ice Cubes

Aqua has only just arrived at the coliseum when she’s attacked by a troupe of Unversed, and she’s about to respond, only for Phil to bound on the scene and start flexing out in a bunch of goofy “martial arts” poses. He claims that he’s going to fight the Unversed, calling Aqua “sweetcheeks,” and she’s so put off by this that she flinches… well, either that or she’s just as repulsed by satyrs as women in many a Greek myth or adaptation, either/or. Of course, Phil can’t back up his bluff and calls Hercules instead, who appears from the coliseum entrance to join you for the opening fight of the world.


Kingdom Hearts BBS – Voice Actor’s Guild Violation

So did anyone else ever notice that no one checks your lifetime pass to Disney Town, orrrr…?

Aqua arrives in Disney Town and immediately runs into another of those unidentifiable heroes they apparently have running around like mice. Let’s see… first it was Captain Justice, then it was Captain Dark, and this is… oh my goodness, ladies and gentlemen, may I present actual voice actor Jim Cummings, walking onto the scene in lifelike 3D!


FFVII Advent Children – Mmm, Whatcha Saaaaay…

Back in the construction site, Kadaj attempts to kill Rufus with his Materia, but apparently hasn’t learned that Rufus is explosion proof. Rufus deliberately drops out the side of the building and starts shooting Kadaj for good measure. Kadaj doesn’t care and drops past Rufus, trying to seize his “mother.” We switch camera angles and discover that Yazoo, Loz and the Turks are improbably having their fight just below the building. We then return to the fall to reveal that Rufus takes one more shot at Kadaj, but appears to miss and instead hits the case (you could also argue that this was deliberate, it’s hard to say). Naturally, this commotion attracts the attention of the Turks and the goons. Kadaj manages to secure the damaged box and hits the ground safely, while to everyone’s surprise, two nets shoot out to catch Rufus: it seems that Elena and Tseng are alive after all, and have just been waiting for their moment! Don’t get too excited, though: they have nothing else to do in the film, and sadly don’t even appear in Dirge of Cerberus, essentially vanishing after this quick, twist cameo – though their roles were mildly extended in the Advent Children Complete cut.


Kingdom Hearts BBS – Gymnastic Attack

We’ve seen the Trinity Armour scene and the reunion between the three playable characters twice now, so I’m just going to say that Aqua has gone from “Terra would never do that!” to “I’ve seen the things you’ve done” in just one world and leave it at that. You’ll have to excuse me if I’m missing anything here, because it’s simultaneously hard to squeeze every drop of water from a sponge, and easy to get overwhelmed if you try to count the droplets.